It was after midnight by then. He phoned Philips, but the call went straight to voice mail. Ten minutes into the conversation, Carson got a call from the woman who had been the face of the FBI in Los Angeles for years, public affairs specialist Laura Eimiller. I hand the phone to Cathy and I watch her face change. And you told him about this meeting. Philips had to have made that call sometime between one and six in the morning, Carson thought, which said something about the relationship he had with Berkow.
He and Viray got up from the table and left the coffee shop. Just listen to me. It will explain everything. So he agreed to meet with Philips again early the next morning on the sidewalk outside the Times Building. If he ever testifies, the LAPD will be destroyed. To Berkow, I was just collateral damage. Ruining my life meant absolutely nothing to him. In one conversation I hear Berkow talking about Mike Robinson, and what he told Philips to shut down the third meeting with Amir Muhammad in Chula Vista, and by that point I was so pissed off that I could barely contain myself.
I just walked out, shaking with rage. Finally, though, realizing the mistake he had made in not looking at the photos, Carson called Philips back from the U. The reporter showed up minutes later with an envelope full of photographs.
Philips pointed out various people in cheaper suits that he said were police officers. Then he showed me a picture of Amir Muhammad. I felt literally sick, and I wanted Philips away from me, so I walked away.
Thank God it's over and hopefully these tips will help you if you run across one of these again All my best, Susan. Disperate looking to find out psychology articles that maybe will help me to heal my mind and my soul, to find out ways to understand and to recover me after my biggest life stress I find out your words, incredible real! I am a technical academic graduate with post-academic degrees in economics and management, so it is difficult to accomodate me with psychology or medical vocabulary, but I strive and I strive to follow my decission to try to jump from my inner situation and follow my heart that was telling me that he was the problem, not me.
In my European country, psychology it is respected but it is not really understand its importance to us, neither by medical doctors practitioners, surgeons, dentists, neither by society Each situation described brings to me in a sad mirror'space of truth, the Many Faces of a Disordered Man - who presented himself as a Protector, but in real he is a Charming Chaotic Hypocrite Man with Disastruous Results on me: defeated, shamed,humble, sad, no life joy, anxious, locked inside, discouraged person who was brilliant and energetic You know who I mean I thank you for this article and I hope to make me more positive and help me to recover somehow I already contacted a psychologist in my country that it is famous also in hypnosis.
I really hope to recover myself even it will be so hard to eliminate "The Stress External Factor with Chaos Mental Disorder" even I understood from your words that this is the main success key His high vanity will not allow to be I disagree with the ideea that 'be worth' to continue with them I agree that running is the best healthy way! Please excusse my English, I am not native. I thank you Dr. Biali for your extremely interesting wise point of view. Incredible light! Hi Vox, Thanks so much for your comment and I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through.
The behaviors you describe are the hallmarks of an abuser and very likely a person with antisocial personality traits a. I'm not sure if hypnosis will be helpful for you I'm not familiar with the situations where that works well , however I do know for sure that understanding the type of pathological person you have been affected by, and why you became a victim, would be very very helpful.
It's particularly important for you to really understand because unless you do, you're at high risk to get into another relationship with one of these people who will seem very charming and "perfect" at the beginning, once again.
Sandra Brown has done some outstanding work in this area, google her book, "Women Who Love Psychopaths", I think you might find it very enlightening.
I really thank you for your kind reply. As I said your article "Don't Try to Reason with Unreasonable People Simple strategies for dealing with mean or crazy people" was incredible and illuminated me after a year of deep researches on web and various articles to find out the most important anwer to me: Am I right to be very suspicious that Mr.
Perfect has mental disorders, or it is only my problem? Here I found that I am dealing despite my will and despite Mr. Disperatelly I had that question after 8 years of soul struggle I am analytical, serious and I was raised to respect details as an education atu I understood the future threats to me on I shall close watch not to ignore the first indicators!
I read word by word few of your articles and comments to me and I shall read all your articles, to heal me as ''a long distance e-learning course'!
Thank you Dr. I was impressed to see you dancing flamenco on the web presentation, gorgeous! I was lucky to be educated in arts, theatre, opera and balet! I was impressed. Did you ever thought to translate for other countries your articles? Please excusse my question if unappropiate. But I am sure that your professional expertise, personality, knowledge must be spreaded all around European countries too. I am interested.. I wish to you good luck to your new books and articles ever.
Tomorrow I shall meet again the pshychologist here and I shall offer him your excellent article and information. Thank you, Dr. Biali, a long distance one!
God Bless You! Yours gratefully, Vox. How do I deal with this kind of people in a school environment when I have a class with only around 11 people I can't minimize contact with them because of how often I have to work with them in a project. Also I don't want to leave these people socially because then I won't have any real friends What do I do? No friends than any friend who is not real. I've had to leave behind many.
Learn to love yourself and being with yourself. I'm learning to maneuver around the darts, arrows, and most of the time be centered. Hobbies, books, your studies, etc. I also began studying this phenomenon in order to be more aware and understanding as I realize in many if not most cases, there was a deep emotional injury in this person's life that spiraled them into this way of being.
Pray for them. It can't hurt. I've been working for various bosses, men and women, in 9 years of my career.
Please give me some advices for good. Thank you :. Hi Red Lounge, Your experience isn't unusual as unfortunately people with personality disorders antisocial or sociopath personalities and narcissists in particular make it high up on the organizational chart because their traits and love of power take them there. My advice would be to strategically use these tips to forge a better relationship with them - focus on them and their accomplishments, topics that interest them.
Reveal as little personal information as possible and don't try to connect with them emotionally or get them to see your point of view if they obviously don't. Communicate clearly and directly. Minimize the length of time interacting if possible I am now thinking my mother has some type o personality disorder.
I used to think maybe she has ADD because she always interrupts me to talk about hersel or my brother. My entire lie, I didn't think she liked me and I stressed mysel out trying to determine why.
I hae studied psychology and am a Social Worker. I deeloped some serious health issues stemming rom the extreme stress o my last job and hae to go on disability. I also had years o stress raising 3 teenagers by mysel- ha! I would try to turn to my mom or emotional support, sometimes inancial help as she is quite rich.
I o course loe her ery much, but don't like her much. I saw her being a good riend with my sister-in-law and I wanted a riendship with mom too as I became older.
But she is mostly cold towards me and keeps a distance. Since my dad died, mom has 'adopted' my brother as her signiicant other and he has been able to bully her into paying his way or many years. Mom is going blind and he does not clean up when he cooks. Now mom is mad at me and tells me I can only isit or a ew hours! I was also going thru her inancial records and let her attorney know her son is not trustworthy as trustee, POA, etc.
I hae seen her cower back when he gets loud, he has a history o alcoholism, drug abuse, domestic iolence, molest and mom acts like he's a saint! I am really worried about her and recently asked her help to hire an attorney because I need to ile bankruptcy. She has always said mean things like this beore I started turning her son in.
My 2 sisters won't speak to her because o her behaiour. But I am always trying to help people and I need her help right now I hae rarely asked or help.
I want her to be my riend and to be sure she does not die in her burning house because he does not clean it. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so sorry to the social worker but I don't believe your mom will ever come around.
She is emotionally getting something from your brother that she needs, so she lets him push her around. You, apparently, don't fill a need, you just push her to grow and she is too scared, or otherwise unwilling to do it. I hope you can salvage your home, I really feel so sad for you, but you have to stop expecting her to be grateful for your caring.
She doesn't want you to care or interfere. Like an addict, she wants to be left alone to do what she is doing. I hope you find validation outside of her soon. I hope you can heal. I appreciate it. I have been doing a lot of inner work to change myself and come to forgiveness toward my Mom and it's working! Thank you again. It sounds like she is being exploited. I would implore you all to think about these emotionally draining adults in terms of chronically alienated individuals.
These are typically the child advertised in anti-abuse ad campaigns, Children who you would never abandon if you knew their story. Children like Baby P whose parents murdered after systematic physical abuse and neglect.
These children who hook our empathic response to rescue have grown up and never really had the chance to have their fundamental rights satiated. I do agree with most of the post that life can be challenging and difficult working with or being around "these people" - But truly, as here who it is that needs to be alienated?
The physician lacking in human resources, armed with chemical restraints or the person who has endured a lifetime of malignant alienation?
Tom Main once wrote about the ailment and it is your responsibility to manage relationships, not a duty to discard living humans in today's throwaway societies propagating all over the world. Can you share a link? Thank you very much for your comment and I absolutely agree in the sense that compassion is very important where compassion is due. That said, it doesn't discount the severe damage that these people can produce, for example severe PTSD and other responses that affect functioning, so people do have a right to learn how to manage interactions and exposure and protect themselves.
I have unfortunately had the opportunity to have close extended contact with several personality disordered people, in these cases I am extensively aware of their personal history and there has not been any obvious abuse, trauma or neglect that is of note.
Sure, there may be things I might not know about, however I'm quite sure that regardless there is debate re. There are many examples where there are multiple children in a family, experiencing the same influences, and one turns out a narcissist or sociopath and the others more likely to be victims. That said, as I said in the beginning compassion is always worth remembering.
Doesn't mean you need to tolerate overt abuse though - no way. Dear Dr. Biali, Again, I fundamentally agree with your wise words. Nobody outside the medical community should have to put up with the behaviours I'm British exhibited by personality disorder. But it is everybody's business. It is correct that on the one hand monozygotic twin, sibling and transgenerational studies baffle even the most highly respected medical practitioner as to the causes of "bad behaviour". But on the other hand that's where genetic studies biology and other psychological vulnerabilities kick in.
I'm not sure if you are aware about how much schema focused treatments and the maladaptive core beliefs argued by its proponents can offer clinicians a "breath of fresh air" when looking at the behaviours caused by patients holding on to these self-defeating beliefs? PD requires years of intensive treatment, re-parenting in cognitive analytical or psychodynamic thinking. Some of the staff I work with --and patients-- describe psychopathy, sociopathy and anti-social traits as the cause of some of these horrors.
But that's at the extreme end of the spectrum. What we're talking about here are our family, lovers, the neighbours; the Glenn Close's from fatal attraction, and those who drain our everyday energy and split families and staff teams and cause us to query our own sanity. But why are we so attracted to borderlines? Until the moment we question them. It is true that treatments are still in their infancy in most of the enlightened world, in the UK, PD has only been recognised since Prior to that it was used as a diagnosis as a mean to exclude people from services "We don't offer treatment", but gradually, this is changing and it is at the heart of social problems.
These are forensic issues that lead to horrendous acts of primitive nuture seeking behaviour. I teach police to consider crimes through the perspective of attachment theory; like an onion, on the surface is the crime, peel away a layer and it was a robbery to fund a drug addiction, peel away another layer and the drug addiction is to cover for early lossses. This way, we develop a shard understanding that yes, nobody has to put up with overt and toxic abusive PDs but we do have a responsibility to formulate enlightened views of their struggles.
We now have empirical evidence that personality is formed and PD caused by one of the three BioPsychoSocial elements, or an interaction of all three.
Yes, I agree with your point "ignorance", but these persons need to try and grow. They need to want to open up, read, get into therapy, etc. If they only want to mistreat you make you feel crazy, twist your words, make cutting "jokes" then why should you allow yourself to be abused? Out of pity? I agree there is a need for compassion.
But if compassion is turned on you, time and time again, then you need to protect yourself from the abuse. Often, it is quiet, loving people who try to reach out, who are patient and show kindness for years and years-before finally realizing they have to walk away walk away even though it hurts you so terribly, walk away from a mother, or a father, or a sister.
Its not about living in a "throwaway" society, but in one that recognizes the patterns of abuse. Although I agree that many of the mentally disturbed and disordered might have had a pitiable life, it's not always the case and this shouldn't cause you to feel the need to take responsibility for them. My step dad currently abuses my little brother on a regular basis, and it is purely because of his privileged childhood.
His entire family acts like saints, raw vegan diet, no violence or anything, oh we're so nice and lovely. Except they raised a man who cares more about having weed than connecting with his own son. He lies constantly, only ever blames other people and other things for all problems, and has caused me permanent nerve damage in the left hand.
His sister is a drug addict who admits to being in an abusive relationship with a man whos even more of a drug addict after having 3 children. And his grandfather is a rich man who left the family and his wife for his secretary and has connected since. Sometimes people are fucked up, whether it was because they were deprived or spoiled. When people are fucked up it's important to remember that it doesn't mean you have to let them fuck you up. Do not pity them, for they have no capacity for pity for you.
If I read you correctly, you are saying that if we are on the receiving end of abuse from such people, we shouldn't move away? That they are in dire need of love and acceptance because they missed out in childhood? I think this is a very dangerous thing to be advocating. I am in my 40s, I had two parents like this. I had a severe breakdown in my teens due to their relentless and habitual emotional and verbal abuse of me which had gone on for years.
Interestingly, in view of your mention of Tom Main, I spent some time as a patient in one of his therapeutic communities. In view of what you have written, I think i now understand why there was little acknowledgement there of how destructive my parents were. Plastic Surgery Disasters. Eraserhead Original Soundtrack. These People. Bedtime for Democracy. Donut Comes Alive. The Day Everything Became Nothing.
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